Thursday, March 31, 2011

New Low

Ladies and Gents, I've hit a new low.


Is what I saw on the scale today.  What the hell happened you ask?  Well most recently I ran into a terrible sickness that lasted over a week.  Remember my post about my red face?  It got worse, much worse.  My face continued to swell up, get redder as a rash spread to my upper torso.  I was then bed-ridden for the next 3 days.  It was my cousin's spring break, and I barely got to see them!  When my relatives saw me, they thought I was going to die.  So naturally, they wrote me up a bucket list :)

1.  Done
2.  pending
3.  I did once! but I swear that demon dog still hates me.  Makes me sad that it keeps barking at me, makes me miss Bear.
4.  Do it all the time
5.  that's a good one, I'll work on this one! who's with me:
6.  ...what?
7. hmm.. seems easy enough, but not fulfilling enough for a bucket list
8.  done
9.  yea.. i really should do that.  Maybe as a metaphor for life: get rid of garbage
10.  CMON TOPANGA, shawn hair flip, cory 'hair flip', "that farmhouse, there", Angela, the Wilson half face joke, Feeny... that's 7, help me finish guys?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Fantasy Woes

The playoffs have begun! To the winner go the spoils ($50 to 1st, $10 to 2nd)

Here are the regular season results:

$10 dollars each from these guys:
1. Dylan
2. Me
3. Drew
7. Hen
8. Joey
11. Dayfut

I somehow scratched and clawed my way to 2nd place!  I drafted horribly this time, employing a lot of old dudes on their last leg.  So out of the 13 guys I drafted, I now only have 5 originals. 

In the past two days, I lost two of my Rebound/Blocks workhorses to sprained ankles. Such bad luck.

Marcus Camby 

Tim Duncan

And I'm facing my buddy The Big Hens for the first week.  He's on a huge upswing so it's over for me! All that regular season work culminating to my team unraveling during the playoffs.  C'mon basketball gods

Mystery Rash and Self Diagnoses

I woke up with this:

It's like Asian glow or sunburn, but I aint been drinkin and there aint been no sun

It's probably not as apparent, but it feels like my whole face got sunburnt and I have no clear idea why!

It all started last night, when I was hanging out eating peanuts.  I felt behind my ear was kinda dry, scaly.  But I was like meh, it must be the heater or something.  Before I went to bed, I looked in the mirror and noticed my face was kind of bumpy.

I thought, "Hmm. I must be getting older now".. "I guess this is's all downhill from here"..."Oh well, I had a good run" 

I was excited to go to sleep, because I was sick for the past few days and I swear in the morning I'd be 100% again!

But then I woke up feeling groggy as hell, must have not had enough sleep.  Showered, and when I was drying myself off, my face was burning!  I look at the mirror and my face was dry, swollen, and rashy. "damn boyy you ashy!"  How did this happen?

You ever self-diagnose online?

1.  Vitamin C Overdose:  First thing that popped in my mind.  I've been taking EmergenC twice a day to fight this sorethroat/cold for about 3 days now.  Googly-goo showed me this:  "Some test subjects even developed a skin rash in reaction to the high dose of vitamin C."  That may be it!

2. Ancient Age Bourbon dehydration:  I was being silly, and took many shots of the wonderful $9.99 whiskey on Saturday night.  I was feeling better, so I decided to celebrate with the cousins and go all out that night.  It was well worth it though.  I found out 2 things about Portland.  Portland emo girls will smile and reply Good Evening, when you greet Good Evening as you drunkenly pass by them.  Portland girls love to bring their moms to clubs (or vice versa).  Pretty annoying to be C-blocked by someones mom.. Cmon!

3. Peanuts Sodium Imbalance/Allergy:  Cousin is pretty adamant about this one, because he saw me feverishly going through a bag of very flavorful (and salty.. and therefore addictive) peanuts.  Plus: recent news about frat kid seizures from drinking a bottle of soy sauce (bloop).  I'll take face rash over seizures any day. 

4.  Heater drying out my skin: Past few days, I didnt realize my thermostat was auto-setting itself to 62.  So I've been sleeping in the cold.  Once I've set it to a toasty 70, tomato face happens. 

5. Favorite Asian excuse.  My aunt and uncle say it's YEET HAY (热气) of course.  Chinese version of dehydration.  Except, they were damned sure that beer cures YEET HAY.  I knew it'd make it worse, but I humored them and had some beer with them during dinner.  Guess what.. my face swells up even more!

6.  Too much hydration? Heh I usually don't drink water throughout the day, and I've been drinking ALOT of water recently on my standards.  Maybe... just MAYBE my body has adapted to live in the desert, and this H2O overload has shocked my system.  Yeah! that must be it.

So I'm going to stop taking vitamin C, drink a little water, and hope I dont wake up looking like this

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Six Armed Blog and Legend of Evil Flav

Hey readers, I've joined a joint blog recently called "The Six Armed Blog"

I have no idea what direction this blog is taking, but I submitted a short story that inspired the title of the blog.  haha it actually started when someone asked me to tell him a bedtime story.

Here's an excerpt:
"There was once a strange little boy from a distant town called Erie.  Oh, it was a simple town with normal families, normal festivities, and a normal lumber mill that everyone worked at.  But this boy was strange, he was different.  He was quite a bit taller than the other kids, his shoulders were a little bit lopsided, and he never smiled.  The kids teased him, adults looked the other way.  It was a gloomy life for him in the town of Erie. Thus, he never smiled.

And also.... he had SIX ARMS."

Click here to read the rest! thanks

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Covert Letter

 This pic's dedicated to my fellow bloggers: Cora and Thunderlips
So I was looking up job postings today, and I noticed that there was this swell feller next to me with a red beanie.  I asked him is name: "Caz with a Z", he said.  He looked like an educated soul, so I asked if he would write my cover letter for me:

Dear Hiring Manager,

From the time of my birth some twenty-four years ago, it has been a dream built into the very code of my deoxyribonucleic acid to become an NX CAM Engineer.  As I grew from ovum to fetus and on to the natural breathing world, one thought emerged as a domineering guide in my future fate: "Be the best NX CAM Engineer in the world."  My parents, each Chinese rice farmers, instilled in me the necessary themes of our ancient ancestry: the Ninja arts of the Samurai, which read that one must be self-disciplined, stoic and great at NX CAM Engineering.  I have, in every breath and step I have taken in this life, lived to make true on the promise I made my dying mother as I fled my homeland.  As the cancer from the toxic sewage that Wal-Mart had dumped in our paddy-field ate away at her brain from the inside out, I told her, "I move America.  Become big star.  Make much money.  Bang hot America girl.  And I will become the greatest NX CAM Engineer that the world has ever seen before!"  My English has since improved, but my motivations and my desires have remained as steadfast as the migrant workers on whose backs the Chinese economy today grows.

Thank you for your consideration,

Lick McWick

The goal is to stand out right? I hope I get it!  Thanks Caz with a Z 

Railed in the Tunnel like a 400ft Train!

Hey everyone this is Chun Lick's co-contributor to WickyPedia, DillON. So I went to an interview today for the first time after job hunting exhaustively for the past month and a half. I'm excited as hell, and I'm literally ready to suck dick for a job. And when I get there I get a quick 5 minute one on one interview and then the dude goes oh hey, are you okay with a group interview that'll go for about 30 minutes. I think sure I need this job I need the money I'm two steps away from learning how to grow cocaine so I could finally buy a new razor blade for my 4 year old razor.

We get into a room and there are 7 other people in this group interview and I'm thinking Ahh shit this is going to be a ride. The first part was that everyone had to take turns answering questions and second people were almost answering the same way as the previous person, so similiar that it sounded like this.

"Oh yeah I use to be uber involved in student council, Fuck Ya!"
"Oh yeah I held the treasury position for student council, Yippee"

I tried to sit through it because I wanted a job but in the end it was too annoying, we had that one person who would talk to much, the few guys who probably applied for the wrong job and than the overdressed schmuck who probably thought he was over-qualified for the position, ME.

All in all I couldn't sit through the whole thing and got up during the middle of the group interview.

That's life for you.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Interview Scare


12:20PM bi-bi-bi-beeep BI-BI-BI-BEEP: Holy shit, I was supposed to wake up early for my interview.  Good thing it's at 2, I can still make it.

1:10PM: Check the mirror to make sure I'm baller.  Damn my dress shoes are still in my car, so I go to my trunk and change shoes.  *SLAM* FUUUUUUUUUCK, out of rushing I lock my keys in the trunk.  Spares are in the house, and no one is home.  I'm panicking as all hell but at least I look good. 

Damn I rarely lock my keys in, and this has got to be the worst time.  It takes almost half an hour to get DT and im screwd.  I almost call my friend who got me the interview to reschedule.  Good thing my mom was having Dim Sum near by.  Good thing she knows how to drive like a Taxi driver.  Where would I be without my mama? She's awesome. 

I arrive at 1:57pm, adrenaline pumping, which is horrible for an interview.  I imagine rambling on tangents while the interviewere nods his head with frowed brows.
But it turns out, my friend was accompanying me on this interview, and we're all going to Ctown to get some Zhongs during the interview.  Chillest interview ever!  I end up talking with the guy for two hours, so I think I have a good chance.  Thanks to my buddy "Arnold Kworscheneggar"

Wish me luck guys.

Snowboarding and Terje

Sitting in a library, I get a text to update this thang.  This'll be a good change from writing cover letters all day.  To my readers: "Thank you for your time and consideration, I hope to speak with you soon."

It's been sick living in Portland being only 1.5 hours away from the slopes.  I feel like going every weekend, and this $99 season night pass is letting me do it.  If only I had the money for snow tires.  And if only gas prices hadn't hit 4 bucks. 

I'm working on my speed now and going down steeper slopes, but it's hard when you got the fear!  The last time I went, I caught an edge going so fast I swear I flipped over twice.  But good thing I haven't been doing the "split the sphincter" fall lately.  That is an ungodly hell of pain that can't be explained.  Anyways, to psyche myself up for my snow trips, I've been watching Terje Haakonsen ChuckJesusNorris abusing (sexually) the steepest snow slopes I've seen a human ever attempt.

Sadly, the video is so epic I can't embed it:

The dude is a legend, I don't know of anybody with bigger, brasser, bronzer, balls than he does.  The first part is nearly freefall!  and on the rest of the face of the mountain, he's just chillin, doin jumps like it's nothing.  Just watch the video.